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2007-12-08 14:48

It's going to be my 20th birthday tomorrow. However, with matters like these I'm not sure if I ever really cared, since I never chose the day to be born on. Sure, December is cool, the number 9 is pretty awesome, but I'm nearly always depressed during the winter and my birthday seems to be the pinnacle of Everything That Doesn't Make Enough Sense.

But anyway.

It's strange when you meet someone you can integrate with so well – that you start picking up on their thoughts and feelings and interpret that as your own.

After Jay and I spent a pretty chill day watching The Lost Room and Dark City, and after a less than stunning dinner, I just felt all sorts of out of it. (Not food poisoning, this time). Now, I like to think I'm fairly obvious about my feelings, even if I don't say anything. Erin has said before I had an honest face.

I was just disappointed by my surroundings. I keep feeling so much bitterness because I had an un-American childhood, filled with fear and restrictions and bad judgment calls, on both my side and my parent's. I kept thinking “What am I doing here? Why am I here, why do I have to put up with this?” I wanted to run away, since it always seems the easiest way out at the time.

I want adventures and to find out the world isn't really as bitter and cold and rigid – like both Joe Miller and John Murdoch found out. That there are truly strange and amazing things that provides people with power and motive and inspiration. I wanted everything that isn't monotony, absurd restrictions, culture clashes, hypocrisy, the things I experienced living here.

I want to leave the hypocrisy. I want to stay with the people I've found to be good and true.


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