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A Little Messed Up

2007-07-21 07:12

I try to take care of my friends. Or at least I think I do. So once I find out that a lot of my friends are actually scared of me, it tells me I'm doing something wrong, or something entirely right.

It's hard to decide, especially with society's sycophantic obsession.

I don't like the new Harry Potter. It's sad to say that I have not been thrilled to read this book. There's nothing special for me, at least not yet because I'm not finished with it.

Hopefully by the end I'll be able to say “Well, that's some ending.” Without being cynical.

Oh, and what the fuck is with the non-Harry Potter merchandise stores in London? As in why are there no shops that sell Harry Potter SCARVES? And ties? It's all specially made on-line, but that doesn't help me. I'd want to see things in person, see things up close and personal for me to believe that it's real, that it's worthy.

And I guess that's the same reason people are scared of me. But I don't judge people and merchandise the same way. I may not talk to you because I'm shy, or because I'm tired, or because I want to be alone. I don't ignore you because I think you're not a “worthy” human being at first glance. Everyone has the ability to be dazzling.

I'm sorry to all those that I've rubbed the wrong way. I'm apologizing for my social awkwardness, but I'm working on it every day.

But y'all understand – scary is just a part of what people are. The unknown is fun, if not confusing. It's all right to be wrong. It's wrong to be always right – how can you grow?

And speaking of growing… There's been a fair bit of reflection on my past relationships. One has made me stronger, the other has made me realize I should never just “try for anything.” I'm looking (casually) for a partner-in-crime, someone to do things with for the rest of my life, to have adventures, to have fights with, to run the path that is on the crazy terrain of a sometimes lush green and sometimes desert life. And we, I and he, will go as far as we can.

Wherever I stand and wherever I go is my home. I haven't really been homesick, except for the better prices. If I could get a job here in England, though, I wouldn't be complaining.

To my past relationship and semi-relationships: You were all good men in your own way. And I have a lot to speak for myself this time around, but it comes a little too late to do anything with you again. But I did enjoy all that we had.

Note to self: It's all about choices. The right ones will help boost confidence, the wrong ones will help with the experience factor. The right vs wrong doesn't really matter, it's the realization that there ARE choices.


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