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Far Away

2007-04-21 15:38

I love love stories. I'm such a sucker for them. I CRIED when I saw this video, even though I don't play Final Fantasy at all! I have NO idea what the fuck is going on, but it looks so sweet! :blush:

I formatted my OS partitions for fresh installs of XP and Ubuntu (Feisty Fawn rawr :yummy: ). One of the few things I forgot to back up was my diary. Starting from the new year, it held records of my Breakup-Of-First-Life-Changing-Relationship. I was mopey, I was depressed and grieving. I was also pleading in some parts, but I always had some hope for myself.

That diary was lost. Well, not necessarily lost – I didn't particularly care enough for it. I wasn't actively thinking about it when I formatted. And after I formatted, I suddenly felt that I had finally let go of everything. Maybe that diary was the last part – the holding on to memories that would only get tainted: I loved him, I fell out of love but wanted to be dedicated, and I didn't want to be a “failure”.

I wasn't a failure. I never really was a failure at anything I put effort into. Somewhere along the way I stopped putting in my part, and he grew distant to protect himself from my words, my quirks. Both were the wrong things to do in a relationship that's supposed to last forever. So, of course the chapter was ending.

It's over now, and it's been over for a little while. Everything's just a little while in a human lifespan compared to the lifespan of the universe. What I had was wonderful and frightening. And what I have still is hope. He's doing okay, he's doing all right. I'm better than I ever was, because our love made me who I was, and our ending made me who I am today.

The book is closed on this relationship. For the in-love part anyway. I can't tell how much we'll keep in contact, since we're busy people. His life and mine were far more separated than we realized in the relationship.

And it's all okay.


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