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2007-12-03 13:30

One of the bad things about me is that if I can trust you, and let you know me, you'll find out that I am mostly a very angry person.

People have their reasons, and I certainly have mine.

But I don't have much to do other than complain or fix things as I can.

I do much of the former. For nearly 20 years I've done much of the former.

Maybe it's time to stop that, but does that mean being subservient or masochistic?



2007-12-01 17:22

I had a HUGE ass post that serendipity just ate. It's gone, forever. I'll try it again later, I guess.



2007-12-01 14:36

Jebus! I just looked at Reon Kaneda pics again, and I have to say beauty is most definitely ONLY in the eye of the beholder.

Everytime I look at her I have this face: :stress: (She's a base for Melissa for Avatar, and even though Jay gave me permission to use ANYONE I want as a base for her, I have no desire to go out and look at other Asian models as I've already got a lot of self-confidence issues and looking at these other women will only make me hate men all the more for being entirely INSENSITIVE)

I just LOVE the comments I see on her picture pages – “I'd bang her!” Great.

She's just… okay. She's cute. But if it's all for sex appeal it makes me want to puke. Of course, at this point I'm feeling sick for other reasons, so maybe the puking thing isn't caused just by the pictures.


No Words

2007-11-26 14:34

Today was a very strange day. And I'm afraid to tell anyone this, so I'm going to tell everyone in the least personal way.

There are times, like tonight, where I'm just feeling terribly lost. I don't remember what I'm here for, what value I have, I don't even know why anyone wants me around.

I'm not trying to be emo here. It's an observation that's strange and slightly disturbing. I don't know what causes it, because here I am in my room, under bright lights and warm blankets.

And I couldn't say anything to anyone, that I've been crying and I don't know why.



2007-11-25 08:34

The plan was to have a 6 panel strip up by 12:05 tomorrow morning.

I'm trying, but every time I try to get a panel done, I think it looks horrible and I scrap it.

I'm not in the right state of mind to do this. It's been happening a lot lately, I can't figure out why right now, all I know is I'm frustrated, and my time is running out.

It's not even funny anymore, why does it get this way? I'm tired all the time, I have stress and it's evident in all the aches and pains I have in my shoulders and arms.

The plan now is to finish it ASAP. If it doesn't get posted at the regular time, then I'll post it later.

I don't know how I can keep this up.



2007-11-24 06:06

Well, the design and stuff for the new site, so I'll be set back for a couple of days/weeks again.

Hopefully it'll be up for my birthday, but I don't know. :stress:

In the end I only lost about 500 mb of actual important stuff, which isn't that terrible in the end.

Although I lost a fantastic picture of Divi, I still have a screenshot of it, so it's all good, I can just do it again.



2007-11-20 14:24

ZOMG I am so getting real close to finishing the final design for this site. I'm fairly excited about it, I've shown Jay an image of the prototype to check out and critique (you know, the job that any internet-junkie boyfriend-of-mine gets when I have strange ideas… whether he likes it or not).

I'm looking forward to switching over. It'll be interesting, since there's no Serendipity to Textpattern that I know of… but um, I guess I'll see what I can do!


Growing up

2007-11-19 04:49

You know, one reason I like blogs is because I can go back into the past and see how I've grown. Sometimes I make amazing revelations, most times I just comment on how life sucks. I get into the state of mind where you think it's your RIGHT to be depressed, where no one else can possibly understand what I'm going through, that no one even CARES even though I know I have at least 2 people in the entire world that would shake me gently and say “Get out of this funk, Lani, you're getting stupid.”

The first post says I dumped textpattern.

Now that I actually UNDERSTAND what it does… well, I'm going back to it. No regrets, I've flirted with the systems many times, and only actually exploring what it does do I understand in very crude terms what it's capable of. It's a lot like my other trials in life. I just need to get some experience and not be afraid to try the motherfucker out, and something useful happens.

(God, I sound like such a girl back in the early days, which was in FUCKING MARCH. :ouch: )



2007-11-18 15:33

For some reason I really like steampunk. Victorian crazy styles and ideologies, censorships, giant steam machines complete with explosions… yes, somehow that's appealing.

I haven't really read any stories for steampunk, though, I should rectify that.

Also, I decided against Pixelpost. While it's neat and all, I don't need a photoblog, and I can use just Textpattern + Slimbox. It'll be good, I assure you!


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