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2007-05-31 14:22

New album up under the “Avatar” category. Go check it out! It's full of awesome. :cute:

So Jay and I are creating this comic called Avatar. I'm just drawing out character designs right now, so the story's not going to get rolling until I get more comfy with the characters. But I've already gotten three of them done, including Jay himself. So whoo! I still have like, 6? ish to go.

OMG OMG OMG SYSM is awesome! I love it!


Not the Scientist

2007-05-29 15:07

Well, lab reports, when done right, are done pretty quickly.

But here I am, not doing my lab report because I don't want to. There's just something that rubs me the wrong way about lab. And most scientists face a lot of lab time.

I'm not fond of it, but I guess I have to deal. There's nothing else so interesting in this world as biology. Just look at the trees!

I mean, unless I get to do a fun job like tracking down people with genetic anomalies (and therefore MUTANT POWERS), I'll just be chasing lions. Thanks.

On a lighter note, AIM convos can turn really strange.

[22:54:28] Me: Stupid physiology!
[22:54:34] CG: stupid women!
[22:54:46] Me: Um, yeah, stupid guys!
[22:54:52] CG: heyy
[22:54:59] Me: I have nothing against guys, actually.
[22:55:10] Me: Except a personal vendetta to take every one of you down.
[22:55:16] CG: …
[22:55:24] CG: yeah i moved
[22:55:25] CG: sorry
[22:55:32] CG: shoulda told ya
[22:55:38] Me: We'll see what your landlord says about that.
[22:55:48] CG: have i ever told you im madly in love with you?
[22:56:06] Me: Have I ever told you I want to shank everyone with my multitude of pens?
[22:56:24] CG: ill cook for you
[22:56:39] Me: I'll give you my special pen, then.
[22:56:59] CG: well gee
[22:57:01] CG: im going to die huh?
[22:57:06] Me: Slowly!


Gotta be more than hoping it's right

2007-05-27 08:44

I feel so emo.

My parents are semi-social, they love having parties and going to parties, and they expect me to clean up. I was talking to these 2 other guys that were there at the party – sons of my dad's former classmate – and they felt that children were brought to this party to be shown off. And they were. I was observing the party, cleaning up as I went along, and I felt like I was just there to increase my parents' status. They clothe me, shelter me, feed me, and have apparently raised me up so well that I am a compliant, smiling, gentle young woman. They have something to be proud of.

But all the children there were awkward. They sort of talked to each other, we related school and how our parents are pushy, and our jobs. There was an awesome lecture from a mixed couple (wife was Burmese, husband Israeli, awfully business intelligent, both engineers). The talk was mostly about how to prepare for the future, and why all these Burmese (probably with other Asians too, but I gotta talk about what I know) families try to push their children into the medical field.

Of course, back in Burma (now known as Myanmar, but it's less fun to say), there was only about 3 fields of work that can give someone enough income to feed their family every day. Medicine, engineering, or business. There wasn't much else unless you were in the government and were corrupt. So, people left.

While that's understandable back in Burma, things are really different here. The whole American dream, rags-to-riches thing might actually work. Isn't it enough that I might find something I like that can support me living on my own? I don't need bucketloads of money, I don't need a whole lot of stuff. Most of my money goes towards food.

Of course I don't want to become a doctor. I know it sort of hurts my dad and angers my mom every time I say that, but they'll have to be happy that they've convinced ONE kid to be a doctor. It's not my thing. And neither was it a “thing” for the 2 brothers I talked to who grew up being pushed the same way.

Maybe growing up in America made us kids spoiled, and made us think anything's possible. But this is the reason my parents moved in the first place. To give us chances, give us stuff, give us better opportunities. And then they say “You become this one thing or you'll die in the streets.”

None of us can see the future exactly. Things shift all the time, there are a thousand different possibilities with every action. I doubt I'll end up in the streets.

I say I'm emo because I'm currently skipping out on that party, and hoping my future doesn't turn out so bleak.

I stayed there for about 6 hours. That's good enough, right? I have 2 papers due this week anyway, and my Saturday blew. Today, I'll probably skip dinner because I ate too much at lunch. Time for the paper? Maybe. I hate this class.

I miss my ex boyfriend, Spam. It's the truth, I'm not going to deny it. But I miss him for the wrong reasons. I miss him because he was my escape, because he fed me hopes and dreams, because I got to sleep someplace that wasn't being paid for by my parents. I miss him because I felt like I was constantly in danger, and it gave me an interesting perspective on my life. I miss him because he was someone I could have run to, but never did, because I was scared of the both of us. I miss him because I will never be the same way again.

I love him still for who he was when I was there with him. Even though he annoyed me a lot, and I cried when he wasn't around because he made me feel so different and so weird and so scared, I loved him because he was there, for me.

As you can tell, I lived off of attention in that relationship. It wasn't a partnership, like I believe relationships should be now. That relationship was feeding a powerful monster that made me feel on top of the world when I could say proudly “He's mine“, and made me feel so tiny and dark when I realize he wasn't who I wanted, needed him to be.

He dated and loved that monster more than he ever dated or loved who I was.

A shame, really. And it's a loss for the both of us, that relationship. I don't know if I grew. I certainly changed, but I can only grow when I want to. I don't want to because I already feel so old.

And this is why I'm emo.


No Place Like Home

2007-05-26 05:09

I hate my house. Those of you who know me well know how I hate my house. There's nothing to like.

Well, my relatives and all, but there's no THING to like. Everything is just… stuff. And now there's going to be more and more stuff being added every day.

I don't like it. I shouldn't complain, but it feels like my parents are trying to plug up an ever growing void with material goods.

It's just not my style.

Also, I'm not fond of my grandmother. She's suggesting that I become a doctor, just so I can earn a lot of money. I don't want to be a doctor. She won't understand that. She doesn't understand that I'm ignoring her right now, because I'd rather be happy than be so fucking STUCK. And she says to find a guy that earns a lot of money. I KNOW ITS HER CULTURE, BUT IT'S NOT FAIR FOR HER TO BRING HER PREJUDICES HERE, ON ME, ON SOMEONE SHE BARELY KNOWS. In fact, it's not fair for prejudices at all! I can't ask her to stop telling me this, because she doesn't understand English, and I can't speak in her language. And as far as I know, my parents are supporting her, so they're not going to translate for me either, since I understand and SHOULD listen to what she's saying.

I hate this. I hate all of this. If I die doing something noble and worthy, while being piss poor, I think I would be happier.


Oh Shiznit

2007-05-21 15:25

I don't know how it goes.

I was pretty happy just being myself and doing my thing, and all of a sudden it hits me. I'm dependent on people. I'm dependent on the idea that some day I'll find that one guy who'll make my life exciting in the awesome kind of way for a prolonged (if not sustained) period of time. Maybe even a girl can do that, but I don't think I'll ever be romantically involved with a girl. And if s/he makes my life awesome, I'd want to kiss him and have his babies. Can't make babies with a girl. I can kiss plenty of girls, but it'll come out weird. I like guys because then (depending on the guy, though, I realize) I don't have to smash into another set of boobs.


Midterm in approximately 8.5 hours. And where am I? Working on 2/7 worksheets. Oops. I'm a good studier, and I mean that. In the sarcastic sense.

Yeah. :grr:



2007-05-21 13:24


Yargh, I've only seen up to 11 :sad:

Also, it's awfully strange to play Assemblage 23's “30,000 Feet” right before Boy George's “Karma Chameleon”. Like, total no no. (and I like it) But my playlist is full of strange mixes.



2007-05-19 14:02

[21:56:25] J: Mother fucking cats can MOVE DIAGANOL
[21:56:26] J: OH NO

You have NO IDEA how hard this made me laugh.

Reminiscing over Rodent's Revenge. Good times.

I totally <3 this game.


Meeting guys offline is always an adventure

2007-05-18 12:25

[20:07:17] DG: …..so…..How'd it go?!?
[20:07:18] ** Auto-response sent to DG: Psalm 23.
[20:08:54] Me: HAHA He's fun.
[20:09:04] Me: A little bit crazy looking
[20:09:19] Me: But he seems, uh, entertaining.
[20:10:15] Me: Of course, I think opening up my laptop and making him see that my internet history on wikipedia was “Improvised Weapons” was funny too
[20:10:16] **
Auto-response from DG: Oh the weekend..
[20:10:55] DG: lol
[20:11:23] Me: That and “Intense-Workout.com”
[20:11:39] DG: OH that…fuuuun!
[20:11:43] Me: Yep!
[20:12:04] Me: So he's not bad to talk to. He seemed a little jittery when we first met, but that's probably because I scared him or something
[20:12:27] DG: Yeah maybe he was nervous!
[20:12:35] Me: Now that would be funny.
[20:12:41] Me: So yeah, we talked for about an hour and a half
[20:12:49] Me: And then I went home and he went to his nerdy ICS lab.
[20:12:59] DG: LOL



2007-05-17 07:19

You should know I share music with the people I like. And if he/she likes it, it's a good sign. It's a good sign even if s/he says “This is chaotic! It'll take a while for me to like it.”

My favorite bands are Lamb (disbanded :sad:), Iio (disbanded too tears), and Massive attack. I really like Sarah McLachlan's voice, but her music is getting… poppish. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's not my type. :/

I'm sooo tired. And I look like crap. :grumpy:


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